Sex appeal is hard to pin down–it's a quality that draws you to someone, powerfully and instantly. But just because it's hard to understand doesn't mean that it's hard to cultivate for yourself. Confidence and flirtatiousness are universally sexy, while more specific tips and tricks break down along gender lines. See Step 1 to learn how to project sexy confidence and get your mojo working.
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Flirt boldly. There are plenty of shrinking violets in the world, but people who are self-assured and comfortable are rare. Make yourself stand out by being unafraid to make a move: initiate flirting, speak clearly and confidently, and let the other person know you're interested. You don't have to be drop-dead handsome or a genius to be good at flirting. All it takes is self-assurance, a little bit of courage, and a sense of supply and demand. You'll make yourself irresistible.
Break the ice. The scariest part of any flirt? Approaching someone. It's hard to feel confident and sexy when your palms are sweating and you're trying to think of something brilliant to say to a hottie. But breaking the ice doesn't need to be overly complicated. Gather yourself, use open body language and friendly, non-threating posture, and lead with a basic question or observation to open up conversation.
- Try to read the person to get some sense of their humor and attitude before making your move. If you've just seen someone roll their eyes at the super-drunk host of the party you're both at, walk up to them and say quietly, "This party is dead. I'm organizing a jailbreak, you in?" Ice broken.
- Don't think too much about having a killer opening to your flirt. Introducing yourself and asking someone's name is a perfectly reasonable way of breaking the ice, as well as super-general questions, like, "What brings you here?" or "How's your night going?" You don't have to be Shakespeare.
- Avoid lines. Looking at you, fellas. Jokey one-liners designed to break the ice more often have the effect of turning people off completely, making you seem unserious, immature, and ignorant. Never fall back on a dumb joke when you're trying to be sexy. It's not.
Make eye contact. When you're trying to flirt with someone, don't look at the ground, or over their shoulder, or at the ceiling. Look them right in the eyes. Holding someone's gaze communicates both intimacy and confidence, and it's the easiest thing you can do to become a master flirter. Instant sex appeal.
Speak clearly. When you're flirting, talk loud enough so someone won't have to struggle to hear you, enunciate your words, and try not to stumble over your words. Slow down and speak carefully. Don't rush through what you're trying to say. Be sexier than that.
- If you need a second to catch your breath and consider what you're going to say, take it! Buy yourself a little time by keeping eye contact and smiling. If the worst thing that happens to your friend is that a sexy and confident person smiles at them and loses the ability to speak, let's just say you're probably making someone's day.
Don't forget to listen. To get a good flirt going, you need to accomplish two things: portray yourself as an interesting and sexy person worth knowing, and to learn whether or not the person you're talking to is worth knowing. You can up your sex appeal by being a good, empathetic listener who's genuinely curious and interested in the other person. Practice good listening skills, paying close attention and responding thoughtfully.
- Don't one-up. It's not flirtatious to respond to someone's carefully told story or anecdote about getting a bat out of their house with an off-hand response to how you used to get hundreds of bats in your house as a kid and how it's not a big deal. It's not a competition. Empathize, don't perform or show off.
Find the "door" in each sentence to keep the conversation moving forward. If you're struggling to think of things to say to someone you're flirting with, ask questions and try to look for the next opening in the conversation. Think of it like you're in a hallway looking for doors you can walk through into other rooms of subjects.
- If someone says, "I just graduated," it might be tempting to ask, "What'd you study?" but that might not give you anything to work with if the answers is, "experimental particle physics with a minor in Latin." Instead, ask more open questions, like "How'd you like school?" or "What do you want to do with your degree?" Get to know the person on a more complicated level.
- Questions can go too far. Make sure you pay particularly close attention to the person's responses and body language to get a sense if you're over-stepping it into creeper territory. Don't bug people. If the person keeps turning away, as if they're looking for an out, or are giving you closed-off one-word answers, cut the conversation short and leave them alone. There's nothing sexy about overstaying your welcome.